MarySue
by I HEART JATAE
Summary: "um im not v. good @ these summery things so just read plz thx!!!!!11!1" *rolls her eyes* Yeah, that'll make people really wanna read your fic.....


A/N: Okay, this is most definitely a sillyfic. What can I say? I was hyper and bored and really fucking tired of all the shitty fanfiction out there. So, rather than bitch about it in my DeadJournal, I've decided to turn it into some semblance of a form of entertainment. And yes, I realize that I do a lot of the things I make fun of in this... "fic"... but self- mockery is fun so I do it anyways. A lot of the jokes here are based on real things I've read and real inside jokes. Um, enjoy, I guess, and just try to pretend it's funny....  
  
*****  
  
She walked down the school hallway, giving a friendly hello to everyone she saw. Of course, being the sweet and modest person she was, though her clothing suggested otherwise, she didn't notice all the males who were staring at her with a glaze in their eyes and a bulge in their pants.  
  
"I don't like her," a random cheerleader sneered. "She's too... too... something! And I'm not jealous. Stop saying I'm jealous! WHY DO YOU KEEP INSISTING THAT I'M JEALOUS?!" Of course, no one was doing anything of the sort. The boys were too busy staring, while the other girls were too busy sneering and denying unimplied jealousy.  
  
"Hey, lookatthenewchick!" Pietro pointed at the fifteen-year-old girl who strode past the gazing boys and jealous girls without even noticing. Her long blonde curls were like spun gold, cascading freely down her back to end at her waist. Her large, strikingly green eyes were cheerful, with eyelashes longer than--  
  
"Hey!"  
  
Huh?  
  
"Yeah, you!"  
  
*looks around* Me...?  
  
"Nooo, that fucking dipshit fanfic author behind you!"  
  
*looks behind her*  
  
"Yes YOU, you fucking moron!"  
  
Lance? What are you doing?  
  
"I'm fucking going to fucking rant you out, you fucking piece of fuckfuck!"  
  
Why are you talking like that?  
  
"Like fucking what?"  
  
Like that! With "fuck" at completely random points in your sentances!  
  
"Oh, fucking THAT? I'm just fucking talking like a normal fucking teenager, duh!"  
  
Umm, I've never heard a teenager talk like that...  
  
"Well we fucking can't fucking swear on the fucking show so we have to fucking compensate, y'know?"  
  
Oh. Okay, anyhow, back to the description! Her long legs were--  
  
"No! Stop it!"  
  
Stop what?  
  
"That fucking long-assed description! I mean, fucking honestly, do we really have to fucking sit through that?"  
  
Yes. It IS my story, after all. And I COULD turn this into Lantro slash with just a few extra sentances, so I'd button up if I were you!  
  
"..."  
  
That's better. Now, back to my story... Her soft, pale skin was like--  
  
"What the fuck kind of color is 'strikingly green', anyhow?"  
  
Sigh.  
  
Suddenly, Lance threw himself at Pietro, not caring about the way the student body stared at them as they made passionate love on the floor. Then Lance got up and announced, "Everyone, I think it's about time I came out of the closet. You see, I'm ga--"  
  
"ALRIGHT! I'll fucking shut up! Just pleasepleasePLEASE don't make me fuck Pietro again! *sob*"  
  
"Aww, c'mon baby, I ain't THAT bad, right? *winkwink*"  
  
"Hmmm... actually, now that you mention it..."  
  
Okay, enough of that. I'm skipping the friggin' description, it takes waaay too long. So she continued down the hallway and accidentally bumped into someone. That someone just happened to be... KURT!  
  
"Hi, can I have sex with you? I mean... uh... OH NO! I said that out loud and didn't mean to, even though I'd have to have brain damage in order to do that! Ah shit! I'm ugly because I have facial hair, I'm gonna go kill myself now, wahh!" Kurt went running off in the opposite direction.  
  
"Ohmygod! Like, she's, like, totally, like, stealing, like, my, like, boyfriend, like! Like, like like like!" I'll let you guess who said that. (Hint: it wasn't Freddy.)  
  
Scott saw the pretty new girl, crouched on the floor and picking up her belongings. "Well, seeing as I'm the chivalrous one and obviously the primary love interest of the story, I'll help you pick up your things!"  
  
The girl grinned. "Oh thank you! By the way, my name's Marlenia Suscarella Robert Jeulya Ggfswepriunxv,mn/g!"  
  
"Ummm... what?" She giggles the same way that Jean giggles, but somehow much more charmingly. I don't know if "charmingly" is a word and I'm most likely not going to get this beta'd be cause I'm a lazy-ass, but I'm entitled to my own opinion so don't flame even though you're entitled to your own opinion too!!1!@!1!1~1!Q!  
  
"You can call me MarySue. Oh, and I'm a mutant by the way."  
  
"Really? Me too! What an extremely unlikely coincidence!"  
  
"Wow this is so wierd, yet so NORMAL! What's your power?"  
  
"Optic blasts."  
  
"Wow, me too!"  
  
"Err, no wait, I was just kidding... It's teleportation."  
  
"Wow, me too!"  
  
"Uh, no, I lied-- it's X-ray vision."  
  
"Wow, me too!"  
  
"Duhhhh.... me confoosed..."  
  
"I have every power in existance, as well as being completely invincible and in total control of my powers even though they only emerged a year ago!"  
  
"Wow, that must be cool." Suddenly, Jean appeared out of nowhere and started throwing things at MarySue for no reason because Jean=Evil because she's pretty AND talented, which all REAL women know is physically impossible because I'M not like that! And besides, I'm jealous. So I'm going to bash her up good to make my character look cooler.  
  
"MarySue, you have to use your powers or else you'll suffer Death By Telekinetic Erasor-Throwing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"You know," Professor X cut in, "using more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentance is gramatically incorrect."  
  
Fuck you, baldy! This is MY story, I'll ignore basic rules of the inglish langwaj if I want to! You're not even fucking supposed to be here, so be gone with you!"  
  
Anyways..........  
  
"No, I only use my powers for GOOD! And beating her up would only bring me down to her level! She's evil because she's a snob and thinks she's all better than me, when I'm obviously superior! But I'm still modest, so everybody loves me."  
  
Jean suddenly puts her hands on her throat as if choking, makes a sort of gagging-croaking noise, then keels over, right there on the floor. Everyone in the student body stops what they're doing and stops what they're chewing to sing an impromptu version of "Ding-Dong, The Bitch Is Dead", despite the fact that most of them have no idea what's going on, especially since I keep switching between narrating in past- and present- tense because I keep forgetting that I'm not at the Bayville Masachusettes RPG.  
  
"Yay, Jean is gone forever!"  
  
"No she's not! Haven't you read the Pheonix--"  
  
Shh! This fic is bad enough as it is, we don't need to add SPOILERS to it's long list of faults!  
  
With Jean out of the picture (for awhile), Scott leapt on top of Mary-Sue and kissed her passionately. But, since they were on the floor of a busy hallway, they were both stepped on and killed. They died in eachother's arms. How sweet!  
  
THE END  
  
"No waaaait I want summore Lantro slash!"  
  
"Pietro, we can do that laaaater..... heh heh heh heh heh....... "  
  
******  
  
A/N: Whoo. All done, for now. Questions? Comments? Hysterical laughter at my idiocy and lack of dignity? Just click the "Click Here To Submit Review" button, right down there. *points down* See? 


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